52 Things

Since my 29th birthday at the beginning of June, a clock has started ticking inside me; I think I have begun to feel the brunt of Saturn's Return.

I've never really been bothered about turning 30. A friend of mine 'celebrated' her thirtieth last August, she'd been grousing about it for donkey's years. Maybe it's because I was more conscious of her thirtieth that I've never really thought about my own.

It feels completely irrational, but I'm bothered now. It is not the thought of indisputable adulthood that worries me, it's the feeling that my life should have been different by now. I feel something needs to shift, although I don't know what. I was explaining to a friend that it's a bit like a blocked pipe, I've stood still for such a long time it feels like there is a massive build up behind me that is about to blow.

So, I came up with my '52 things' idea. I have to do 52 new things in the next year - that works out at one new thing a week, but you already knew that. I define 'things' as places, plays, films, exhibitions, museums; it has to be something that gets me out of the house, anything that makes me feel like I am expanding my outlook, rather than contracting into my own insular little world.

The idea is to go on these adventures alone. I don't have a problem with tag-alongs, but I have been let down so often lately, cancelling my plans for the sake of other people, that I now feel I have to forge ahead alone.

Last weekend I went to York. I'd never been before, so I made some butties, got on a coach and went.

I went to the Minster as soon as I arrived. Well, first I got a bit lost, but that's the law, isn't it? Due to time constraints - it was 12:30 and I needed to get back to the coach at 5:30, I decided to see the vault only. £4, a tape-recorded guide and a hell of a lot of concrete. You could see a bit of the foundations, but all in all it was a bit boring. I was hoping for vaulted ceilings, a spooky atmosphere and maybe even a few coffins thrown in for good measure.

I got a bit lost again and eventually found the Castle Museum. Now that place is worth £7.50 of anyone's money. They had a Victorian street scene with real Victorians. At least they looked like Victorians. Said Victorians sold sugar mice in sweet shops or just sat around, I avoided eye contact, as audience participation makes me feel nervous.

After all that getting lost and keeping my head down I had a well deserved brew and butty in the Castle Museum Café. I'd eaten my packed lunch on the coach - what?! I was hungry… The lady serving was really nice to me, even though I queued the wrong way and forgot to get a tray. I just had time for a quick look around the shops and then it was time to get back on the coach.

I'm counting that as three of my 52 things, so I've got 49 left to go. In April next year I'll be going on a cruise with my Dad, so that will be loads of things for the check list, plus there are a tonne of things I haven't done in Manchester.

I think I am starting to get my confidence back, maybe by thirty I'll be ready to travel abroad alone again - I did it once you know! At the very least I am opening myself up to new experiences and I might start to feel a bit more satisfied with life.